Are Christians being unfair if they oppose same-sex marriage?

The right to marry is a fundamental right inherent in the liberty of the person.… Same-sex couples may exercise the fundamental right to marry. The United States Supreme Court, Obergefell v. Hodges (2015)

Defining the Issue

On April 1, 2001, the Netherlands became the first nation to legalise same-sex marriages. Since then, a tidal wave of change has swept across different nations, and most Western countries now allow same-sex marriage. 

In 2015, the United States Supreme Court mandated that same-sex marriage be legal in all fifty states in the Obergefell v. Hodges decision. The ruling was especially controversial because the majority of states had laws limiting marriage to one man and one woman, laws usually passed by referendum of the citizens themselves. 

Many Christians consider the Obergefell decision a case of judicial overreach and hope to see it overruled by a more conservative court at some point in the future.

There are numerous arguments cited in favour of same-sex marriages. 

First, if two people are in love, then why shouldn’t they be allowed to marry? Next, marriage secures access to certain benefits such as insurance coverage, government benefits, and legal recognition as someone’s family member. 

Denying these benefits to same-sex couples is considered prejudicial. Arguments for same-sex marriage often make a strong appeal to pity. 

For example, in the Obergefell case, James Obergefell and his partner John Arthur lived in Ohio, which did not allow same-sex marriages; so, they went to Maryland to have a marriage. Yet, when Arthur died of ALS, the state of Ohio said it was not legal for Obergefell to be listed as his spouse on his death certificate. Obergefell filed a suit to be legally recognised as Arthur’s spouse on Arthur’s death certificate.

Some Christians have argued that it is unfair to oppose legalising same-sex marriage. The biblical teaching about justice leads some to argue that even if we personally oppose same-sex marriage, it is unjust to deny basic rights to homosexuals. 

Furthermore, the biblical ethic of love is invoked as a reason to allow same-sex marriage: if we love our neighbours, we will let them live in peace as they see fit. Are Christians being unfair when opposing same-sex marriage?

Biblical Ethical Principles

The Bible teaches that marriage is a covenant between one man and one woman (Genesis 2:24–25). Sex is designed by God to be experienced in a heterosexual and monogamous marriage, and homosexual sexual relationships are forbidden (Romans 1:24–27). 

Heterosexual marriage is foundational to a culture and provides the strong environment necessary for nurturing children and shaping the moral thinking of the next generation. What a culture says about marriage reflects what that culture thinks about sexual morality, sexual boundaries, and important values.

God has also established governments to restrain evil and promote good (Romans 13:1–14; 1 Peter 2:13–17). Since heterosexual and monogamous marriage is good for cultures and families, governments should enact policies that promote and reinforce the traditional family. Expansive notions of marriage and family are bad for a culture.

Justice is a major theme in biblical ethics. The paradigm for understanding justice is the exodus from Egypt, wherein God rescued his people from oppression and injustice. God subsequently appealed to the exodus as the model for the way his followers are to treat vulnerable people (Leviticus 19:33–34). Biblical justice is understood in light of what God says about right and wrong; justice is not a limitless category giving everyone carte blanche to do as they please.

Suggested Moral Stance

It is not unjust to affirm a narrow definition of marriage as one man and one woman. Justice does not mean approving whatever couples feel like doing. Daniel Heimbach says that affirming traditional marriage “can be no injustice, because along with the public interest of justifying laws favoring marriage as a social institution comes the public interest in connecting procreational sex with getting fathers and mothers to set aside their separate individual interests long enough to raise their own children.” Giving heterosexual and monogamous marriage a privileged status is good for a culture.

The church has taught that love is a necessary but not sufficient element for establishing a marriage. While two people who get married should love each other, merely asserting love for another person does not mean marriage is automatically permitted. 

For example, a man may insist he no longer loves his wife, but now loves another woman and desires to divorce his wife and marry the second woman. However, the church does not call this justifiable grounds for marriage; the church calls this adultery. 

Likewise, two closely related people can profess love for each other, but marriage between close relatives is clearly forbidden (Leviticus 18:6); the church doesn’t call such relationships marriage; the church calls it incest. 

Similarly, two people of the same sex may profess a deep love for each other, but such expressions of love are not sufficient to justify marriage.

Once the standard of limiting marriage to one man and one woman is dissolved, there is no logical reason why one should oppose any number of marriages with an infinite possibility of combinations. 

• For example, in 2014 a lesbian “throuple” (three women) in Massachusetts claimed to have been married to each other. 
• Two women named Brynn and Doll were legally married in Massachusetts in 2013, and subsequently both were “handfasted” (a pagan marriage ritual) to a woman named Kitten in 2014. 
• Brynn, Doll, and Kitten Young claim to be married and had a child when Kitten, the youngest of the three, became pregnant via in vitro fertilization.
• The three women use Brynn’s last name since she earns the most money. 
• The 2021 book Three Dads and a Baby details a polyamorous male throuple in California who are raising two children.3 
• Abandoning a narrow definition of marriage opens the door to mainstreaming these types of expansive sexual ethics.

1 Daniel Heimbach, Why Not Same-Sex Marriage? (Sisters, OR: Deep River Books, 2014), 74.

2 Christine Sisto, “The Odd Throuple: Is a Lesbian Threesome Any Less Legitimate Than a Lesbian Twosome?,” National Review, April 28, 2014, http://www.nationalreview.com/article/376709/odd-throuple-christine-sisto.

3 Ian Jenkins, Three Dads and a Baby: Adventures in Modern Parenting (Hoboken, NJ: Cleis Press, 2021).

Branch, J. A. (2021). 50 Ethical Questions: Biblical Wisdom for Confusing Times (pp. 205–208). Lexham Press.