From gay to Catholic brother: Dear Church, you owe me no apology
Dear Catholic Church,
As a former homosexual man who came back to the church
seeking God, I want you to know that you owe me no apology. Never, not once in
my 43 years in the homosexual lifestyle did I feel marginalized by the church.
The church never abandoned me. I abandoned the church. Never did I feel like an
outcast. It was I who outcast myself. Not once did I feel jilted by the church
or as if I had no place. Your door was always open to me. It was I who walked
past that door.
You need to know that there was not one day in my 43
years that I did not recognize how offensive my behavior was to God. Looking
back, I can honestly say that the wedge that I placed between God and myself
was one of my greatest sufferings. What kept me away from the church was my
stupidity and guilt. You gave me the truth and I rejected that truth.
How could this have happened? Very simple. I used the
excuse card. Insisting I had no self-control over my sinfulness. I reverted
into a mindset that maybe, just maybe a loving God is okay with me. Whatever
the actual reason, I found it all far much easier to tuck all my guilt into the
far corner of my conscience. And so for 43 years all that sin and guilt
remained unrepentant and cluttered with dust.
You owe me no apology. It was I who offended God, His
church and His teachings. You did your part. You proclaimed the truth in
charity and I ignored you. I own and take full responsibility and
accountability for my sinful ways. It was I who rejected the many crosses that
God gave me. It was I who faced my demons. It was I who rejected the salvation
you offered me.
Throughout my 43 years away from the church, God gave
me one cross after another and I rejected all of them. It was only until 2008
when I contracted AIDS that the floodgates of my conscience opened. It was that
day when I realized how much I needed you. It was time for me to drag all my
dusty sinfulness through that open door that had been open to me for so many
years.
Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for giving
me the courage to proclaim what you had been teaching me all along. You don't
owe me. I owe you.
You see, the church does not owe homosexuals an
apology. The door is open. Accept the truth in charity and know that God will
always help you carry your cross. Pick up your cross as I did. God is waiting.
Do not be afraid. The church is not your enemy.
I am old now and battered with health issues. Barely
able to carry my cross. But I am where I want to be. Close to God, close to His
church and cherishing the truth that I rejected for so many years.
The church, however, must apologize for their pro-homosexual priests and bishops who are placing the souls of homosexuals in grave danger for failing to give them the truth in Gospel.
The church, however, must apologize for their pro-homosexual priests and bishops who are placing the souls of homosexuals in grave danger for failing to give them the truth in Gospel.
In Christ,
Br. Christopher Sale
Founder of the Brothers of Padre Pio
Founder of the Brothers of Padre Pio
