Gay or Happy?
Bouts of porn and compulsive masturbation were my medication of choice, and I was powerless to resist them. And, after years of desperate prayer & Christian psychotherapy, I had experienced zero change in my sexual desires…until I discovered some kingdom realities and my life in Christ became deeply experiential. Jesus died for our sexual wholeness and freedom. This is the story of how I got free.
I BEGAN A PURSUIT OF MY TRUE SEXUAL IDENTITY IN 1987 WHEN MY BATTLE AGAINST HOMOSEXUALITY GREW INTO INTENTIONS OF SUICIDE.
Ten years of desperate prayer, counseling, and research yielded no change in my sexual desires. But after some encounters with God, the following years healed childhood trauma, replaced lies with truth, forged deep intimacy with God, and established self-love and masculine identity.
I didn’t fit in with the boys, as a child. They didn’t seem to like me, and neither did I. So from first grade, I began to live every day in a fantasy world of codependent fixation on whichever boy in my life I saw as the picture-perfect male. It was how I affirmed myself and coped with a life of hopelessness and self-hatred.
I BEGAN A PURSUIT OF MY TRUE SEXUAL IDENTITY IN 1987 WHEN MY BATTLE AGAINST HOMOSEXUALITY GREW INTO INTENTIONS OF SUICIDE.
Ten years of desperate prayer, counseling, and research yielded no change in my sexual desires. But after some encounters with God, the following years healed childhood trauma, replaced lies with truth, forged deep intimacy with God, and established self-love and masculine identity.
I didn’t fit in with the boys, as a child. They didn’t seem to like me, and neither did I. So from first grade, I began to live every day in a fantasy world of codependent fixation on whichever boy in my life I saw as the picture-perfect male. It was how I affirmed myself and coped with a life of hopelessness and self-hatred.
My very first sexual desires were for other males. I had none for females. And my pain medication for 20 years was daily addiction to masturbation, which sometimes included stents of a serious addiction to pornography.
The shame of those sins and multiple inappropriate sexual encounters resulted in a suicidal season at age 17. I couldn’t fathom breaking free of my addictions or ever finding a woman sexually attractive, let alone becoming married to a woman, enjoying sex with her, and fathering four children…until life in Christ became deeply experiential for me.
Now I hold a B.S. in Marketing/Finance; am a graduate of Bethel’s 3-year School of Supernatural Ministry; have been a pastor at Bethel Church (Redding, CA) since 2006; have regularly ministered in ManAlive, Bethel’s purity ministry (imanalive.com) since 2010; am a co-founder of Equipped to Love (equippedtolove.com), a ministry to those impacted by homosexuality; and serve Moral Revolution (moralrevolution.com) as an author, lecturer, and minister. I also consult with those who struggle with sexual brokenness and help them journey with God to find wholeness & freedom. My greatest joys are my beautiful wife and our four incredible children. God can do exceedingly, abundantly above all we can ask or imagine!
Now I hold a B.S. in Marketing/Finance; am a graduate of Bethel’s 3-year School of Supernatural Ministry; have been a pastor at Bethel Church (Redding, CA) since 2006; have regularly ministered in ManAlive, Bethel’s purity ministry (imanalive.com) since 2010; am a co-founder of Equipped to Love (equippedtolove.com), a ministry to those impacted by homosexuality; and serve Moral Revolution (moralrevolution.com) as an author, lecturer, and minister. I also consult with those who struggle with sexual brokenness and help them journey with God to find wholeness & freedom. My greatest joys are my beautiful wife and our four incredible children. God can do exceedingly, abundantly above all we can ask or imagine!
