Q&A on homosexual marriage
And how can we answer questions people have – especially from those who don’t believe in God?
What are the consequences for everyone if we don’t speak and the definition of marriage is changed? here are some Q&A to help you understand.
“Don’t LGBTI couples deserve equality?”
Every man and woman in Australia needs to know they’re equally valuable to God. This applies to LGBTI people just as it does for everyone else. So Christians are against any law that unfairly discriminates against an LGBTI person. We actively supported the Same-Sex Relationships reforms in 2008 because it provided equal treatment, such as with laws to do with superannuation. Minister Tanya Plibersek said at the time, “We removed every piece of legal discrimination against gay men, lesbians and same-sex couples on the statute books”.1 It was the right thing to do for individuals. Today the debate isn’t really about discrimination – as Minister Plibersek says, the discrimination had been removed. It’s about changing the definition of marriage. And when that happens, it could actually create new forms of discrimination. That’s because marriage is a compound right: the right of two adults to commit to a binding union plus the right to found a family. The right to found a family introduces children. And those children have rights, too, such as the right of a child to be raised by their biological mother and father. As you’ll see later, that’s just one kind of right that can be negatively affected by same-sex marriage.
“If you oppose same-sex marriage, you are against equality.”
We’re for equality. We believe all people are made in the image of God. But equality is not found in the removal of gender diversity in marriage. All that does is devalue someone’s gender. Likewise, equality isn’t achieved by letting anyone marry in any circumstance. Even those pushing for same-sex marriage would not want marriage opened to children or close relatives or more than two people. As it is, marriage invites a single man and a single woman to enter into a lifelong commitment to each other.
“People opposed to same-sex marriage are just bigots.”
Bigotry has no place in a free, liberal society. And it’s completely unacceptable for Christians to be bigoted. A bigot is a person who is “intolerant towards those who hold different opinions from oneself” (OED). But to simply hold and voice a contrary view to others is not bigotry. Christians are not bigots because we respect other people’s views. We want to be respected as we share ours. If you ever feel silenced because of your view, it may be the other person who is being the bigot. Marriage is one of the most vital conservations we can have. So we should respectfully speak about it even if some Australians disagree with our view. That’s what being in a healthy democracy is all about.
“Who are you to tell me whom to love or who can be my partner?”
What happens in private is no one else’s business. Marriage, however, is a very public thing, so it’s not surprising there’s a public conversation about it. And because it is not just about a couple but affects the rights of children, it is important that the state takes an interest in that relationship. We are not telling people whom they can love nor with whom they can live in a de facto relationship. We simply believe what most people through time have believed, that marriage is between a man and a woman.
“Isn’t this really about your homophobia?”
What we believe about LGBTI people is what we believe about all people – that we are made in the image of God and loved by him, and are also loved by his people. We are not in this discussion because we’re anti-anybody or anything. We’re in it because we are pro-woman, pro-man, pro-marriage, pro-family and pro- the common good.
“Marriage is between two people – what’s it got to do with anyone else?”
Marriage is defined by God as a lifelong, exclusive union between a man and a woman for the benefit of the natural offspring of that union and for the flourishing of human society. That’s in everyone’s interest. And it affects our common future because it’s between a man and a woman. It is inherently “conjugal”. It naturally allows for children to be born and to be raised by a mother and a father. Because that affects our common future, it’s something we should all be interested in.
“But marriage has changed before. Why shouldn’t it change now?”
In one way, that’s absolutely true. The question is, has it changed for the better? In 1975 the Federal Government changed the law to allow for no-fault divorce. The legal we’ve been shown right to have done so. In the same way, we oppose the idea of “open” marriages (non-monogamous marriages), “throuples” (polyamorous marriages) and “same-sex marriages” today.
“Kids are irrelevant to marriage because some married couples are childless.”
While not every marriage results in children, every child has a mother and father. Man-woman marriages have the potential for children. God’s design for marriage protects children by providing them with biological parents who, if everything goes the right way, will care for and nurture them.
“If God loves people, why would he be against what makes them happy?”
All people are made in God’s image, and of course that includes same-sex attracted people. God welcomes all people into his family. And Christians, when they’re doing their job, welcome all people into their fellowships – straight, same-sex attracted and those who struggle with their gender identity. The conversation isn’t about God’s value for individual people and everyone’s need for love. It’s about God’s good plan for marriage. The Bible teaches it isn’t for everyone. In fact, it teaches that it’s a good thing to be single. Jesus was. Paul was, too. They both lived great lives. But for those who do want to get married, they need to know that God intends it to be for a man and a woman, forever.
“Why does God have such a problem with gays?”
He really doesn’t. He does have a problem – and we see this throughout the Bible
– with acts of sex outside of a man-woman marriage. In 1 Corinthians 6, homosexual sex is listed alongside adultery and sexual immorality. An adulterous relationship is not something that God blesses, and therefore is not a “marriage” recognised by him (even if it is recognised by the State). The sexually active same-sex relationship likewise involves actions that God does not bless. God does not approve of men who are “inflamed with lust for one another [and] commit indecent acts with other men” (Romans 1:27), nor of “women [who] exchange natural relations for unnatural ones” (Romans 1:26).
“The Bible tells me homosexual sex is sinful, but never to judge others. How can anyone stay true to both?”
We should do it the way Jesus does. When he met a woman caught in adultery, Jesus neither condemns her nor condones her sin. Jesus challenged those who were about to stone the woman – “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her”. When all her accusers had left Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you”. But he does not leave it at that. His final words to her were, “Go now and leave your life of sin” (John 8:11). To be true followers of Jesus we must do three things. First, we must never condemn people but instead respond with grace, just as God has shown us all his amazing grace in forgiving our sin. Second, we must love people enough to warn them of the need to turn to God in repentance because there is a coming judgment. Third, we must urge anyone who has turned to Christ to leave a life of sin and to live in a way that is pleasing to the Lord.
“Won’t a public discussion about same-sex marriage lead to greater youth suicide?”
We certainly need to be careful about the kind of discussion we have. When Senator Penny Wong previously spoke in favour of the traditional definition of marriage (she has since changed her mind) she chose the following words: “On the issue of marriage I think the reality is there is a cultural, religious, historical view around that which we have to respect”.2 These are calm, respectful words. They certainly aren’t homophobic, given that she is a lesbian woman herself. There is no evidence that public discussions overseas have led to an increase in LGBTI youth suicide. The Irish referendum points in the opposite direction, with the overall suicide rate falling in 2014-2015.3 LGBTI youth have nothing to fear from a respectful public discussion about same-sex marriage. This is an area where Christians really need to take the lead by modelling what a respectful debate looks like.
“Why do Christians keep talking about the consequences of same-sex marriage?”
Christians are people who care about the future, not just the here and now. There are some obvious consequences of changing the marriage laws, especially when it comes to children. For male same-sex couples, one of the main options for children is surrogacy. However, commercial surrogacy is illegal in Australia and in most other developed countries, which has led to a growing commercial surrogacy market in developing countries. In 2015, India had to enact legislation to ban foreigners from using surrogate mothers in the country. The potential for pay-for-baby arrangements has implications for the objectification and enslaving of women’s bodies. Introducing laws that provide for the increased use of surrogacy will, by their nature, facilitate the intentional severing of the parent-child biological bond. That’s where the talk of consequences becomes very real. We have to ask if it is fair on the child who will never know both of his or her biological parents.
“Why should Christians even be involved in this?”
Christians have always spoken up on social issues such as slavery, sex trafficking, poverty and refugees. The issue of marriage is a social concern to which the Bible clearly speaks and out of love for people in our churches, a number of whom are same-sex attracted, and out of love for our neighbours, we need to speak up.
“Isn’t same-sex marriage inevitable? Aren’t we behind the rest of the world on this?”
In the 1920s progressives proclaimed communism was inevitable in Australia. Then in the 1950s conservatives said a war on communism was inevitable. As it turned out, they were both wrong. No one knows the future. In the Asia-Pacific only one country (New Zealand) has introduced same-sex marriage. We’re hearing about it a lot because of what the Supreme Court decided in the United States. But we don’t have to go the way of America. We need to have an Australian conversation about this.
Marriage is a good gift from God, but it is not the only or ultimate “good” for society. All people are equally loved and valued by God, regardless of whether they are married or not. The Bible affirms the goodness of marriage but the fact that Jesus Christ lived a single life highlights the fact that singleness is also good. Whether married or single, it is important that we understand the God-ordained purposes of marriage.
“Don’t LGBTI couples deserve equality?”
Every man and woman in Australia needs to know they’re equally valuable to God. This applies to LGBTI people just as it does for everyone else. So Christians are against any law that unfairly discriminates against an LGBTI person. We actively supported the Same-Sex Relationships reforms in 2008 because it provided equal treatment, such as with laws to do with superannuation. Minister Tanya Plibersek said at the time, “We removed every piece of legal discrimination against gay men, lesbians and same-sex couples on the statute books”.1 It was the right thing to do for individuals. Today the debate isn’t really about discrimination – as Minister Plibersek says, the discrimination had been removed. It’s about changing the definition of marriage. And when that happens, it could actually create new forms of discrimination. That’s because marriage is a compound right: the right of two adults to commit to a binding union plus the right to found a family. The right to found a family introduces children. And those children have rights, too, such as the right of a child to be raised by their biological mother and father. As you’ll see later, that’s just one kind of right that can be negatively affected by same-sex marriage.
“If you oppose same-sex marriage, you are against equality.”
We’re for equality. We believe all people are made in the image of God. But equality is not found in the removal of gender diversity in marriage. All that does is devalue someone’s gender. Likewise, equality isn’t achieved by letting anyone marry in any circumstance. Even those pushing for same-sex marriage would not want marriage opened to children or close relatives or more than two people. As it is, marriage invites a single man and a single woman to enter into a lifelong commitment to each other.
“People opposed to same-sex marriage are just bigots.”
Bigotry has no place in a free, liberal society. And it’s completely unacceptable for Christians to be bigoted. A bigot is a person who is “intolerant towards those who hold different opinions from oneself” (OED). But to simply hold and voice a contrary view to others is not bigotry. Christians are not bigots because we respect other people’s views. We want to be respected as we share ours. If you ever feel silenced because of your view, it may be the other person who is being the bigot. Marriage is one of the most vital conservations we can have. So we should respectfully speak about it even if some Australians disagree with our view. That’s what being in a healthy democracy is all about.
“Who are you to tell me whom to love or who can be my partner?”
What happens in private is no one else’s business. Marriage, however, is a very public thing, so it’s not surprising there’s a public conversation about it. And because it is not just about a couple but affects the rights of children, it is important that the state takes an interest in that relationship. We are not telling people whom they can love nor with whom they can live in a de facto relationship. We simply believe what most people through time have believed, that marriage is between a man and a woman.
“Isn’t this really about your homophobia?”
What we believe about LGBTI people is what we believe about all people – that we are made in the image of God and loved by him, and are also loved by his people. We are not in this discussion because we’re anti-anybody or anything. We’re in it because we are pro-woman, pro-man, pro-marriage, pro-family and pro- the common good.
“Marriage is between two people – what’s it got to do with anyone else?”
Marriage is defined by God as a lifelong, exclusive union between a man and a woman for the benefit of the natural offspring of that union and for the flourishing of human society. That’s in everyone’s interest. And it affects our common future because it’s between a man and a woman. It is inherently “conjugal”. It naturally allows for children to be born and to be raised by a mother and a father. Because that affects our common future, it’s something we should all be interested in.
“But marriage has changed before. Why shouldn’t it change now?”
In one way, that’s absolutely true. The question is, has it changed for the better? In 1975 the Federal Government changed the law to allow for no-fault divorce. The legal we’ve been shown right to have done so. In the same way, we oppose the idea of “open” marriages (non-monogamous marriages), “throuples” (polyamorous marriages) and “same-sex marriages” today.
“Kids are irrelevant to marriage because some married couples are childless.”
While not every marriage results in children, every child has a mother and father. Man-woman marriages have the potential for children. God’s design for marriage protects children by providing them with biological parents who, if everything goes the right way, will care for and nurture them.
“If God loves people, why would he be against what makes them happy?”
All people are made in God’s image, and of course that includes same-sex attracted people. God welcomes all people into his family. And Christians, when they’re doing their job, welcome all people into their fellowships – straight, same-sex attracted and those who struggle with their gender identity. The conversation isn’t about God’s value for individual people and everyone’s need for love. It’s about God’s good plan for marriage. The Bible teaches it isn’t for everyone. In fact, it teaches that it’s a good thing to be single. Jesus was. Paul was, too. They both lived great lives. But for those who do want to get married, they need to know that God intends it to be for a man and a woman, forever.
“Why does God have such a problem with gays?”
He really doesn’t. He does have a problem – and we see this throughout the Bible
– with acts of sex outside of a man-woman marriage. In 1 Corinthians 6, homosexual sex is listed alongside adultery and sexual immorality. An adulterous relationship is not something that God blesses, and therefore is not a “marriage” recognised by him (even if it is recognised by the State). The sexually active same-sex relationship likewise involves actions that God does not bless. God does not approve of men who are “inflamed with lust for one another [and] commit indecent acts with other men” (Romans 1:27), nor of “women [who] exchange natural relations for unnatural ones” (Romans 1:26).
“The Bible tells me homosexual sex is sinful, but never to judge others. How can anyone stay true to both?”
We should do it the way Jesus does. When he met a woman caught in adultery, Jesus neither condemns her nor condones her sin. Jesus challenged those who were about to stone the woman – “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her”. When all her accusers had left Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you”. But he does not leave it at that. His final words to her were, “Go now and leave your life of sin” (John 8:11). To be true followers of Jesus we must do three things. First, we must never condemn people but instead respond with grace, just as God has shown us all his amazing grace in forgiving our sin. Second, we must love people enough to warn them of the need to turn to God in repentance because there is a coming judgment. Third, we must urge anyone who has turned to Christ to leave a life of sin and to live in a way that is pleasing to the Lord.
“Won’t a public discussion about same-sex marriage lead to greater youth suicide?”
We certainly need to be careful about the kind of discussion we have. When Senator Penny Wong previously spoke in favour of the traditional definition of marriage (she has since changed her mind) she chose the following words: “On the issue of marriage I think the reality is there is a cultural, religious, historical view around that which we have to respect”.2 These are calm, respectful words. They certainly aren’t homophobic, given that she is a lesbian woman herself. There is no evidence that public discussions overseas have led to an increase in LGBTI youth suicide. The Irish referendum points in the opposite direction, with the overall suicide rate falling in 2014-2015.3 LGBTI youth have nothing to fear from a respectful public discussion about same-sex marriage. This is an area where Christians really need to take the lead by modelling what a respectful debate looks like.
“Why do Christians keep talking about the consequences of same-sex marriage?”
Christians are people who care about the future, not just the here and now. There are some obvious consequences of changing the marriage laws, especially when it comes to children. For male same-sex couples, one of the main options for children is surrogacy. However, commercial surrogacy is illegal in Australia and in most other developed countries, which has led to a growing commercial surrogacy market in developing countries. In 2015, India had to enact legislation to ban foreigners from using surrogate mothers in the country. The potential for pay-for-baby arrangements has implications for the objectification and enslaving of women’s bodies. Introducing laws that provide for the increased use of surrogacy will, by their nature, facilitate the intentional severing of the parent-child biological bond. That’s where the talk of consequences becomes very real. We have to ask if it is fair on the child who will never know both of his or her biological parents.
“Why should Christians even be involved in this?”
Christians have always spoken up on social issues such as slavery, sex trafficking, poverty and refugees. The issue of marriage is a social concern to which the Bible clearly speaks and out of love for people in our churches, a number of whom are same-sex attracted, and out of love for our neighbours, we need to speak up.
“Isn’t same-sex marriage inevitable? Aren’t we behind the rest of the world on this?”
In the 1920s progressives proclaimed communism was inevitable in Australia. Then in the 1950s conservatives said a war on communism was inevitable. As it turned out, they were both wrong. No one knows the future. In the Asia-Pacific only one country (New Zealand) has introduced same-sex marriage. We’re hearing about it a lot because of what the Supreme Court decided in the United States. But we don’t have to go the way of America. We need to have an Australian conversation about this.
Marriage is a good gift from God, but it is not the only or ultimate “good” for society. All people are equally loved and valued by God, regardless of whether they are married or not. The Bible affirms the goodness of marriage but the fact that Jesus Christ lived a single life highlights the fact that singleness is also good. Whether married or single, it is important that we understand the God-ordained purposes of marriage.
